Crappy Clissold Coffee

A Couple of weeks ago we gave a coffee shop our award at the worst coffee of this year. Well this week we are giving out the worst customer service and worst overall.


The last Sunday we went to Clissold Park, in Stoke Newington and thought whilst we were there would get a coffee. Having a real mix bag of experiences in that area we gave it a go.

We took a seat on the grass and Ash went to order.

I stood in the queue for about 10 mins, then finally got called forward and asked.

Ash: “Hi! What Iced Coffee Drinks do you do?”

Barista: “Latte and Americano”

Ash: “No Mocha?”

Barista: “No” Looking past me and trying to hurry me along.

“A: “OK, So one Latte with normal milk, One Black Americano and one White Americano with Soya Milk, please”.

She rung it up and presented the card machine. I paid and was pointed to a box down the steps and I waited, and waited and waited. In the end over 10 minutes for 2 Iced Americano’s and an Iced Latte for Bruffin – as they didn’t have any other options apart from the trendy wanky Flat White – we were in Stoke Newington after all and also it was not freezing cold for once.

Eventually the drinks arrived, dumped on a table outside the serving window and that’s where the attitude started.

The drinks were as follows, one iced latte with normal milk, in a clear plastic cup, no straw, fine that was right, then two HOT Americanos in card cups, both with normal milk.

I complained and she said, “You ordered hot Americanos with all with normal milk”. I replied, “I never mentioned hot drinks at all. I asked what iced drink you have and ordered Iced”. I didn’t even realise the drinks were normal milk until then. To which she just shrugged and looked back at the next customer.

So I said I wanted the Iced versions and one without milk and she rolled her eyes and took the Americanos and just dumped ice in them. To which I complained that wasn’t an Iced Americano and I wanted proper drinks. Again she huffed, snatched up the drinks and disappeared. returning 30 seconds later with two drinks, in clear plastic, One Black, One White. Then presented the card machine once more and told me that I had to pay for the new drinks. To which I said no, it was her mistake. She said well the ice costs more than normal coffee so I have to at least pay for the ice and wouldn’t give me a straw. To which she got a surly look and I simply stated,

“You think to charge me after you screwed up twice, I don’t think so”. and took the drinks (two grabbed straws) and went to recall the experience to Bruffin and Bob.

Bruffin got her iced latte – which was horrible, ‘I don’t normally take sugar but this was so bitter it needed it’ Plus the drink was warm with only 2 cubes of ice – not at all what I ordered.

The White Americano it turned out had normal milk in and I was ill later that day, due to being Lactose intolerant. because that woman was not going to help and we figured she would probably end up poisoning him or throwing the hot coffee all over him.

All in all the coffees were disgusting, but not as bad as the horrible woman who served them – which was a shame because the park itself was great and the weather was good.

Have you been to the Clissold House Coffee? Met the horrible staff there?

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